July 5

Everytime I make Collin eat something that wasn't on his healthy menu, he gets fruistrated and angry; he frowns and snaps at me alot more. I end up talking alot with him; I don't think he is listening to most of the stuff (heck, I don't even know what I am saying). Its always abs this and abs that with him (I really don't mind) but it makes me feel fat. I gained 4 pounds because there is alot of my favorite junk for at my house. Now, I starting to lose most my hunger when I see my body in the mirror. I don't want to do p90x at all, I mean I just don't.
I realize I started being more snappy with him because he decided to blow my senior pictures plans out of the water to go to Pickwick with his friends.
 'one hour with you or a whole weekend of fun with my friends' (Collin stated)
That phrase kept running through my mind and hurts me each time. He and his friends keep bringing up Pickwick. Damnit, I don't want to here about! I don't want to get reminded about how Collin shoved our plans like it was nothing.
I freakin schedule the senior pictures so he could come!
I think he've been sucking up sorta. It have been making me happy and less likely to cry about Senior Pictures.
'Do you want me to go? I will if you want me to.' (Collin stated)
I said yes but also added he would regret it. He would regret being there with me instead of his friends. I really want him there...but he would frown the whole time and be in a bad mood. I know he would never say that he was happy that he choose the hour with me then spending a whole weekend with his friends; that thought makes me cry each time.
Its not that I am saying choose me or his friends thing. I woot for him to see his friends but it hurts that he kicked my plans out the door ,even how important it is to me, and placed new plans right in its place.
I want him to be there but I want him to be there happily.

:( Is he getting bored of me. I mean... I wanted to see the fireworks on July 3 with only Collin. Then, he invited his friends, I don't mind really;however, the fireworks was suppose to be a romantic thing I wanted to do with him and me. He complained the whole time 'I'm tired', 'Is there anything to do', and 'it's hot' ; when he was with his friends, he didn't complain once. :(  He didn't smile so much with me as he did with them. I mean... do I make him that misable.....

I had an another attempt to have a romantic fireworks but his parents invited us to see them on top the hospital roof tops. He looked at me like he wanted to; I knew if I didn't say yes... he would complain instead enjoy the time with me.
...When we were some what alone in the back of the truck, he didn't smile at me alot. He texted on his phone. I let him see everything I text but he hids his texts from my view. Is his friends insulting me, is he talking bad about me, is he trying to hide stuff he planning to going to do, or is he flirting with someone? It gets my confidence lower. Yes, the girl who says 'because I am cute' have low confidence. I always do. Collin, always hint that he wants me to try p90x; each time, it feels like he is saying 'your fat'.

I am extremely happy that he is showing me public affection. He started doing it more since my Birthday. He started not shoving me alway,scooting away or removing his arms around me when he hear his parents coming up the stairs. :) It makes me happy.
On my Birthday, I wanted to wish that Collin would show up at the senior pictures where going to take place....but I decided... I wanted to make sure that wish that Collin wished for on dandylions would come true. I already wished it on many things already; I just wanted it to come true.
He made me extremely happy when he showed up after work and rode a bike all the way to the fireworks with me. I ended up buying him a gift, a hat that sparkles.. He threw it to the side. He only wore it and liked it because I threatened him with bunny ears and his friends liked it.
He made me extremely happy that he kept his promises. It made me so happy. Tell you the truth, if he didn't do the promises, it would have hurt me more deeply and make it harder to trust him.
He made me really happy when he kiss my burned spot on my finger. He made me really happy when he bought me a pillow with a puppy on it. He made me really happy when he cuddle with me on the swinging bench at the cabin infront of my family. He made me happy when he hug me a long time while saying goodbye and held the hug out a very long time because he liked me in his arms when he is tired. He made me happy when he held the goodbye kiss a very long time. He made me really happy when he send me cute little puppy pictures because he saw it and thought of me. He made me happy when he sung and danced slightly with me in his arms. He made me really happy when he says I love you more. He made me really happy when he gives me hugs. He makes me really happy when I try to move softly out of his arms and I can't because he hold me so tight. He makes me really happy when he rubs my leg in his truck and smiles at me while he drives. He made me happy when he tells me stay close to him because he doesn't want guys hitting on me or anything bad happening to me. He makes me really happy when he wraps his arms around me and his legs saying 'mine'. He makes me really happy when he wraps his arms around me. He makes me happy I get to feed him food. He makes me really happy when he calls me cute. He makes me really happy when he adds 'ever and ever'. He makes me happy when he lets me sit between is legs or in his lap. He makes me happy when he rubs my back slightly. He makes me when he let me use his shoulder to sleep on. He makes me very happy when he rest his chin or head on or against my head. He makes me very happy when he cuddle with me. He makes me happy when he sits by me. He makes me really happy when I am on my phone and he sits next to middle of a work out to see what I am doing. He makes me really happy when he says 'I love you'. He made me really happy when he drove all the way to nannies to mostly just to meet her. He makes me really happy when we stop by a park and to look up at the stars. He made me really happy when he skip his work out because he wanted more time with me. He made me really happy when I wasn't feeling well and came up from behind me and cuddle me. He made really happy, when I sighed about not eating the blue totsie lolipop, he took it, unwrapped it and put it in his mouth and hand it back to me so I could taste it to. He made me really happy when he got kroger to sell pretzel bread in the bakery. He made me really happy when he surprised me with pink fuzzy handcuffs. He made me very happy when I accidentally puked on his cock, he, instead looking at me grossed out, acted like it wasn't a big deal and cuddled me and asked if I'm okay. He made me very happy when he took me out skating even though he hated skating. He made me happy when he asked/hinted that he wanted to meet my mom. He makes me happy when he falls asleep with me by his side at the park. He makes me happy when he says he had a dream about me. He made me very happy when he told me about his past. He made me very happy when he found a four-leaf clover for me and gave it to me. He makes me very happy when he calls me a puppy. He made me extremely happy when he ate my broken apart, old cookies. He makes me extremely happy when he eats my food and says its really good.He made me really happy when he said my glasses looked cute. He made me really happy when he said 'I always think about you'.
He makes me extremely happy when he smiles at me.