April 27

Days like these, I feel alone, because I realize how truely alone I am.
People dodged or ignored me when I try to talk ,or they ram me in the hall so hard they leave bruises on my body. My english teacher started acting mean to me; she didn't say anything but glared at me. I did nothing wrong, in fact I asked if she needed any help because she was juggling things in her arms. Beginning of english, we had to pair up to go over answers...I knew no one, so I had to find a group to pair up with. When I tried to ask how they got that answer (or even try to talk to them), they ignored my existence except one girl.
Spanish...Well, EVERYONE ignores my existence daily as the guys around me talk shit about other girls. They all think I'm ugly, but thats CHS for ya. Mostly all the girls are beautiful ,so the scale for beauty is more higher. I'm like a 4 or 3 on their scale. I don't really make guy's eyes turn when I walk or anything. I am a no body. They acted even meaner when I started not wearing glasses and started wearing the leather jacket. They have NO reason to hate me, in fact I'm nice all the damn time!
Art class, I'm mostly alone ,and I know everyone in there ,but they never talk to me except Jay and Jeremy but she wasn't here today and Jeremy was reading his book. I tried to make friends with the other girls but they just glared and ignore me. Chemestry, I know only a couple of people. That was the only class I could get a couple words in but that it.
I felt like crying right when I got home. I feel alone. My depressing thoughts started coming back and stronger then ever. I just want my life to end already. I hate being alone.
God. Haven't you toture me enough with 10 years of loneliness? You already ruin my childhood growing up with loneliness starting since I was 2 won't you just stop it!
My sucidal thoughts keeps getting stronger and I already over my mood changes for the period thing. It sorta scares me that they are getting stronger. I want to text Collin and make him to come over. He probably would if I made him but he probably would start getting distanted from me thinking I'm crazy. I'm not crazy. I'm lonely.
GAH! I'm panthic! I shouldn't want his hug after one day past. But he is the only one who would make me smile whenever he just looked at me. He doesn't know this.